You’re thinking about walking down the aisle, again. “Here Comes The Bride” is playing in your mind..da-dum-da-dum, da-dum-da-dum. Or, is it just dumb. Like childbirth, somehow we forget all the pain from the first time around and believe that this time will be different. (Although, now you have LegalLogs to help you save money and stay organized.) Let’s look at some signs that will to tell if you’re ready to make it work this time around.
Why was the divorce your fault? If you can’t answer this question, or if your new partner can’t answer this question, it’s a big RED FLAG. If you don’t learn from the past, history is doomed to repeat itself. We all make missteps in life. It’s the second step that counts and the only way to rebound from poor choices is to own your part of the fallout. If your ex was controlling, it’s time for you to figure out how you can better advocate for yourself. If your ex wanted sex too often, your job now is to understand your intimacy issues. Maybe your cavelier spending style means you need to do a better job saving money. Divorce isn’t about blaming the victim. It’s about not becoming one. You did then what you knew then. Learn about yourself so you can know better, and do better.
Once you and your partner have figured out how to get out of the rabbit hole of replicating past relationships, you have done much of the personal and emotional heavy lifting. Your chances of making it in the long run are getting better. From a practical perspective, second marriages have lots of complications. Between exes circling back to stake a greater claim, kid’s colds that ruin New Year’s Eve plans, and the blending of two households into one, there is a lot to consider. If you’ve gotten this far, you and your partner will have the best chance of success if you give your relationship time to navigate some of life’s rougher waters before you move in and make it official.
Defying convention, many committed couples today are opting for Living Apart Together (LAT). According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 2015, one statistic on divorce reported that more than half of all adults live apart. A divorce can demand a huge adjustment as an individual shifts to a more independent life. These victorious people have started to live the life they’ve always imagined on a day-to-day basis and, once achieved, that can be painful to sacrifice. Maybe you’ve developed a great morning workout routine that doesn’t mesh with your partner’s night-owl schedule. Perhaps, after your divorce, you’ve enjoyed being free to head out of town every weekend. Maybe you simply enjoy reading the Sunday paper on your leather couch in your underwear? Go for it! No one is there to judge your or tell you to behave differently. Once obtained, that personal acceptance and independence can be hard for people to compromise, and compromise is a natural byproduct of cohabitation. When LAT, you don’t have to. NIH has done studies on the rising rate of people living apart together. You can still maintain the freedoms that you desire and spend quality time with the person you love. Our world today allows us to be interconnected even when we’re miles apart.
What is the secret to happily ever after? You want it to work. You feel like this is it. It’s everything you ever dreamed it would be. But what is “it”? The key to a happy marriage is having a clear expectation of how you and your partner will behave while you’re married. All the struggles about money, religion, friends, outside interests, and how you, as a couple, define “committed” can all be ironed out ahead of time. How do you get “clear”? Prenups aren’t just for millionaires, anymore. The beauty of a prenuptial agreement, or a clear understanding of what your partner expects, is that it leaves little grey area for disappointment. If your new love wants to include that you both go to the gym 3 times week, take 2 weeks off to travel in Europe together and that you split everything 50/50 if it dissolves, you know exactly where you stand. You may think this is unromantic, intrusive or awkward. The truth is never awkward, it’s just the truth. And, you can hit the ground running with peace of mind by uploading your prenup to your LegalLogs.
No one wants to get divorced when they get married, but everyone getting divorced is GRATEFUL they have LegalLogs to save their money, time and sanity.
So, what do you think? Is a prenuptial agreement right for you?