You’re a 1%-er. You’re planning your amicable divorce from your best friend. You’ve agreed to split the debt down the middle and walk away licking your wounds. Your former spouse and you agree to a “my family”/“your family” division of the wedding gifts and you two will remain best friends forever. Heck, you are even invited to that annual family picnic next month.
Good luck with that.
I don’t mean to sound cynical. I don’t want to rain on your parade. I want you to protect yourself. Just like Charlie Brown, Lucy, and the football, you will find that the interactions with your ex will become predictable and, trust me, will be for his or her benefit. Since nobody likes being taken advantage of, animosity grows and resentment and distrust flurish.
Here are the best ways to keep a clear head and to cover your assets.
(spoiler alert: LegalLogs helps you do all 5)
- Watch out for the Gaslighting.
Gaslighting has been gaining popularity as an illustration of how we can be lead down a path that looks perfectly safe only to arrive at the end very vulnerable and confused. Master manipulators can come in any shape and size. Be aware because you could become one, too. The only factor needed to unlock that cunning demeanor is fear. Divorce breeds fear. Where will I live? How will I survive? Am I lovable? What will happen to the future I thought I knew? People who feel like their backs are against a wall will fight to survive.
- Get everything in writing.
If you don’t have proof that something happened, it didn’t happened. Don’t rely on verbal agreements. You need a paper trail to prove that everyone is doing what was agreed to. Tracking emails and texts is a great way to document the entire conversation. We have you covered with LeLo’s simple and secure storage for emails, texts, and journal entries. You’ll want to save everything that happens because you’ll need it in the future.
- Get it off your plate
You have a lot going on right now. You need to figure out a system that helps you feel proactive, not reactive, and empowers you to take the right steps for your well-being. You’ve spent your recent history thinking in terms of, “What’s best for the happy couple?” That isn’t the case anymore. Now, your focus should be, “What’s best for my happiness.” Only you will know that answer and only you will work toward it. Be your own best advocate.
- The Line in the Sand
Spend some time setting your boundaries. When is it okay for your former spouse to call? 11:00am is a lot different than 11:00pm. What about sex after divorce? I get that it’s familiar but that walk of shame is the worst of all. Inevitably, one of you will move on. It’s better to make peace with the end of your relationship and to prepare yourself than to pretend that nothing has changed. Once you set those boundaries, stick to them. Your former spouse will try to get you to bend and break but you deserve better. True love is when you accept fully someone else, boundaries, faults, and all.
- Don’t be Trigger Happy
Your former spouse will trigger things in you no other human can. It’s the craziest phenomenon. An event that would otherwise roll off your back becomes catastrophic when it comes from your former spouse. There’s a relationship theory dedicated to this mystery. When your former spouse does the things that drive you mad, don’t retaliate. Document it. There will be arguments you will never win because you can’t negotiate with crazy. There will be times your patience is tested to its limit and beyond, don’t jump in the ring. Journaling in your LegalLogs will bring you an amazing feeling of productive peacefulness. When you defuse your own bomb, cooler heads prevail.
You deserve to live the life of your dreams and, trust me, this nightmare will come to an end. Let everything implode and watch it burn because out of the ashes, you will find your own happiness.