We all need help. If you believe that you can do it on your own, you probably need it more than everyone else. We all get by with a little help from our friends.
But what if the person who can help you the most is the one you least expected :
YOUR EX’S NEW PARTNER
I’m not talking about the flavor of the month, week or hour. I am talking about that person who has decided to share their life with your ex and, though it’s hard to hear, your kids. Here are some key reasons why its good juju to make nice with the newbie, not build a wall.
- Having an outside perspective can be really helpful.
You and your ex have gotten this far. A new person brings a new perspective and comes with a completely different set of circumstances and knowledge base that can help shed new light on old problems, which can free you from the old habits of divorce.
- You and your ex will behave better if someone is watching.
Try not to laugh as you watch your ex put their best foot forward when you are the levelheaded one. It may be just a show for their partner but who cares! You did your Goodwill drop-off and now your trash is someone else’s treasure. More power to ’em.
- The kids can see what a peaceful resolution can look like.
During the separation, I’m sure your kids saw plenty of “What NOT to do”. Give them a chance to watch you communicate in a healthy way, without passive aggressive digs, interrupting and disrespectful language. Your marriage may be over, but the lessons you teach your kids last a lifetime. What impression do you want to make?
- When your ex sees how cool you are with their special someone, they’ll be happier.
Happy Ex = More things going your way
- When you’re coolheaded and calm, your ex will look like a fool in front of his new +1.
You are clear and well thought-out and they are still harping about who left the cap off the toothpaste. Guess what? Some people never evolve. They live to be a victim. They feel important when everything is that much harder for them. And even though you know that will never change, the newbie doesn’t. It’s okay to spotlight a red flag or two.
- Your kids will feel less stressed because they don’t have to pick sides.
Bottom line is this, you are in this co-parenting dynamic for your kids. If it weren’t for them, you would have no reason to talk to your ex ever again. So, do the work to reframe the role your ex has in your life and see them as a collaborative partner in parenting, nothing more.If you’re happy and you know it…thank your ex. The best revenge, which can trump everything, is living an amazing life.